so now i know how it feels to really start from the bottom..

i was just looking at indeed and i see listings advertising the same company i'm interviewing for next week. the jobs are like "product demonstrator".. so it's irritating because i'm POSITIVE that my new job coach is just trying to get me easy jobs that my living room wall could do while not even caring what I want because she said, "oh this job should be easy!" do i give people the impression that i'm lazy and just looking to do EASY jobs?! so i'm not really sure how long she'll last working with me. i also just got a call from some guy from some store i couldn't really understand him say the title of it and he had a phone interview with me for the job- i don't even remember applying to any retail stores.. so i'm sure my job coach was responsible for this call also. the guy asked me what made me want to apply to the store and i just said, "um.. the prices..?" and he kinda paused for a second and said, "okay." haha.. i'm not even sure which store it was for but i guess a job's a job. i don't wanna waste my time on these easy ass jobs when i could be working jobs which actually require brain cells and involve me being constructive. i can see why some people just give up on working jobs because everyone assumes you can't do anything (and it's NOT for your safety- it's because they don't wanna see people that came from worse situations than they did ACTUALLY doing something with their lives because it'd make them look and feel less adequate). people (i don't care who they are) don't want you to do better than them- ESPECIALLY your family and "friends". a lot of people might be saying, "she must have a SAD life to say this stuff. she must be ungrateful." well.. i do have a sad life but it's not because i'm ungrateful. i thank the lord EVERY night for the gift of life but PEOPLE STILL REFUSE TO LET ME FUCKING RISE TO WHAT I'M CAPABLE OF BECAUSE THEY'RE SELFISH, UNCARING PRICKS. the only fuckin reason why i haven't intentionally ended my life yet is because even though i DID make my will (everything goes to jay).. i'm afraid the idiot who is supposed to be "helping" me will say some shit to fuck it up and my mom and/or she will end up getting everything that i have left. so it's more because i'm a greedy little ass. i don't know/care if there's any technical term for that, so i'm not pussyfooting and blatantly admitting it. i'm not even sure my stocks are making money anymore- probably not since i had wells fargo taking care of my money (at least then, my trustee used to share with me how my stocks were doing) but seeing as NO ONE CARES.. why should i? i'm going to sabathani in like 15 minutes.. anything to keep my mind busy so i don't have time to think about how much shit sucks.